hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
