In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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