Moan for me like Helen Keller
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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