Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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