too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
tell me about the fingering
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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