i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
