I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
