She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
