she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
