i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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