So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
