Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
