I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
