I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
