the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
