u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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