What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
