i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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