is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
