I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Every concussion has its silver lining
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
