I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
