The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
