I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
In America we eat man semen.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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