I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
