you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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