College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
