***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
