i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
