he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
