Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
