my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
