Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
