his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
