she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
