You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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