I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
