he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
