You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
