i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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