1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
