Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
