You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
