I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
