I hope mine doesn't look like that
He is an equal opportunity slut.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
