im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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