Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
