I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
