My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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