the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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