I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
