my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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